I love making resolutions. New Year’s resolutions, birthday resolutions, one-month resolutions, bucket lists: there’s something really satisfying about picturing my perfect life once I’ve accomplished every one of my goals. The only thing I love more than making resolutions is never sticking to them.
Sometimes I make resolutions because I’m insecure, and by making a list of (mostly superficial) things to change I’ll feel mildly more productive and on the right track. Other times, resolutions fill me with revived inspiration to see the world and try new things. Making birthday resolutions helps me remember just how much of life there is left to experience; it’s an escapist fantasy that keeps me going, even though the world feels like it’s mostly on fire.
Regardless, making so many resolutions means I keep hardly any of them! Here are just a handful of the resolutions I have made with the utmost sincerity – and then resolutely ignored.
Be a vegetarian
Have you had bacon?! I mean, have you had a truly good BLT?! Just thinking about it makes me want to eat bacon immediately. I know all about the hazards of eating meat and the benefits of a plant-based diet, so don’t @ me. Bacon is delicious and life is too short to go bacon-less. Moving on!
Wake Up early
I am not meant to be a morning person. I get up at 9AM like I’m rising from the dead, no matter how early I went to bed the night before. I’ve tried your Miracle Mornings, your fancy sleep-tracking wake up alarms, your sunrise yoga classes. I hate all of it, and I’m not sorry.
write every day
WELL IT’S PRETTY CLEAR HOW WELL THIS IS GONE, given this is my first blog post in over a year. I (get paid to) write all day for other people, so do I really? want to keep writing? for free? No.
Also, I don’t have any deep thoughts to write about.
Write a Book
Since I can’t seem to manage to write nonsense every day, then I better commit to writing an ENTIRE BOOK.
I haven’t given up on this goal yet, but I think we can all agree this is a pipe dream given current trends.
Run a Marathon/Triathlon/ironman
I did manage to pull off a half-marathon two years ago, which made me think I would want to do it again. Only…more so? Looking back on my half-marathon blog post, the words, “And wow, I do not know how to run long distances” really stand out. Between chronic injury, constant travel, and being in cities where running long distances is a challenge, this resolution is mostly a long-term goal. Very long-term.
The correlation of how often I floss my teeth is directly proportional to how recently I’ve been to the dentist.
Stop Online Shopping
You wouldn’t think this would be a problem, given that I live out of a suitcase. But I would argue that because I live out of a suitcase, I get bored of my ~lewks~ more quickly than if I had a range of options to choose from. For a minimalist who loves Marie Kondo-ing, I waste a lot of time and money perusing my favorite clothing brands.
This January, I made a commitment to stop buying new clothes for an entire year. It’s day 23, and I am happy to report that I have not even VISITED the Everlane site. Rebecca sent me this op-ed from a writer who spent a year not shopping. Not shopping makes me feel superior, and also my bank account feels superior now that there are so many more dollars in it.
I give it another month.